redneck obituary

[Aubs]

For my boyfriend's health class he has to write his own obituary. He's writing it like he died around 80, and the teacher said it can be slightly comical....
I told him he should make it a redneck obituary so we're trying to come up with some comical stuff to put in there... Any suggestions?

[jlaws]

Cleatus, Cleatus

died 80 years old

cause of death: he was walking outside to use his toilet and take his shower, while so drunk on JD, during this time another drunk hunter told him "he had a pretty mouth boy" so he p ult out his shot gun and shot the man, during this time he was mauled by a cougar which came through the roof of this bathroom and killed him



my imagination isnt at its best right now :S thats all i could come up with


i could go down the road a little bit though and ask some real rednecks lol but im scared :/


say he was dynamite fishing lol

[ohsix]

Anything that includes shotguning beers in the parking lot before a Kenny Chesney concert should be good.

[edrex]

When it talks about his surviving family, say things like "He is survived by his sister/wife Sally Ann, his son/nephew Billy Bob, his mother/grandmother Margeret"... and get some wierd relationships like that in there.

[Rhawn]

Yeah hunting/monster truck accident, with a very incested surviving family like edrex said.

edrex, how is your Amazing Life going?

[edrex]

Rhawn, I'll tell you, but you have to paypal me some money first.

[Dragonlady8]

You should add a "Greatest Accomplishment" comment.

" ...... becoming the baby Daddy to 4 sisters and 8 aunts..."

[nickl011]

Dont forget jammin' out to Lynyrd Skynyrd in his 76 Bronco with Yosemite Sam Mud flaps

[Aubs]

wes - we dont want the truth lol... we need exaggeration!

dlady & edrex - thats awesome!

keep it comin guys....

[edrex]

Aubs, make sure you post up what he ends up turning in. Sounds like it will be a good assignment.

[Lop]

survived by his brother Jack Daniel

[jryoung]

It's more of an epitaph but here goes,

Here lies boy toy, she never knew it, but he preferred sheep.

[Aubs]

jryoung - ewwww

R, DJ, age 80 passed away yesterday in a tragic accident at the Gator Farm. Born June 19, 1987, he was the son of the late D and GM R. An entrepreneur, Mr. R was the owner and operator of D.J.’s Landscaping. His company has been successful for over 60 years, just recently taking over the CT State Department of Agriculture Maintenance. DJ also became the head representative for John Deere tractors in the northeast over twenty years ago and has sold the most tractors in the United States for twelve years. A classic car enthusiast, Mr. R enjoyed taking one of his restored Camaro’s or Charger’s out for a drive on a nice day and going mud bogging in one of his many trucks. A devout Kenny Chesney listener, Mr. R could always be found singing his favorite country tune and was known for his extravagant tailgating at any surrounding country concert or NASCAR event. Survivors include his loving wife of 55 years, Aubrey; sister, Hailey; brother, Nick R and his wife Savannah; son Billy Bob and his wife Gretchen of South Carolina, son Earl and wife Bobby Sue of Mississippi, daughter Peggy Sue and husband Dale of Alabama; grandchildren Trixie, Sue Ellen, and Annabelle; his prize winning pigs Wilbur and Bacon; and his dogs Bocephus and Bubba. Any donations have been asked to be sent to the Redneck Association for Teeth Implants. The funeral will be held at Moe’s Funeral Home behind Steve’s Trailer Park.

[Dragonlady8]

Aubs, you can't have him born 1987 and been married for 55 yrs




Oh wait...... I forgot that's hillbilly math

[Aubs]

they wanted him to imagine he was dead 60 years from now...

[Dragonlady8]

Aubs, then add a timeline : DOB-DOD

[Lop]

you have to name one of his kids Jack Daniel, or skoal

[Commodore]

"Billy Ray died today in a tragic accident. While trying to get to friendly with Bubba Joe's sheep, Angus their dog chased him into the electric fence where upon he was stunned by electrical shock. Due to the overload the fence did short out, but not before singing Billy's testicles to the wires. Due to the temperature and mixture of flesh, the cooked skin smell brought out the racoons. Poor Billy Ray was mauled by a pack of wild racoons driven by the smell of cooked testicles.

He's survived by his wife Emma Jean, who will be allowed out of prison for the funeral ceremony. His kids, Beth Ann Jamie and Tommy Joe will be postponing their marriage due to this tragedy. His brother, Emma Jean's father will be released from Meth Rehab to be a pall bearer.

Billy Ray was a beloved member of the community. No one will forget his fun antics of mounting the statue of our city's founder, Duke the bull, after drinking a whole gallon of moonshine. And coping with blindness in one eye, he always perservered over difficult times. He leaves behind his farm which the county has declared control over since they have been dumping toxic waste there for the last 20 years. His truck, will be used by the Rustoleum paint company as a demonstration vehicle. We shall miss Billy Ray. The funeral will be at noon at Chuck-e-Cheese's. Shotguns will be allowed, please no handguns unless it's bigger than your arm. "

[Lop]

sad thing is that haugy pulled that from the local paper

[ontrider]

Cousin caught him in bed with Sister and killed him.

[Aubs]

haugy - thats awesome

lop - probably right