rate my original rap

WarEagleWrestler · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 18 City: GA

so i was like..............pit to the patter it doesnt matter, i got the flow so u better write as I go
all u listen up its my time to ryhme back from the force i came i have no remorse no shame just an attitude that would settle for any aptitude of ur proformance ur game tis a shame u cant keep up with me cant even see the possibilities through the eyes and skys above looking down
but u better realize that im a surprise wrapped up in silk, u better buy that milk its all we got, all I taught, all is sought
u better stop is it not obvious that i got it all... ur just gonna fall.........its all i could, all i would, all i should, if u knew how i worked, how its all been sherked
how i got the perk, aint worth it to stand up to me jerk
thinking back thats a bore…. ive done better….. it’s a crime to not write me a letter
u cant buy me that sweater its all u got just to give me the respect ur not
ill show u how i shot....the president in the clock....wound up in a lock between two rocks im caught
bail i have not
15 years sentence for the trust I had bought
stuck in this trap between two haters nobody is a payer
everyone has there own deal, their own wheel, two spin on, to unwind upon
dont u see these ghost, there a scarey three, back from the grave they be, o
man this aint the main THING im saying, the main thing im playing, the reels on the role but theres no tickets to buy from the poll
im back to the rap i go…..the papers i write and know……the people i got to show…
the places i fill with snow
Very Happy

Kai · Soul Rider Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 287

its ok, kinda just rambling on

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

dont take this the wrong way... but i guarantee u that people are gunna have some funny stuff to say about this...

but - its pretty good considering its original... so applause to you for that

WarEagleWrestler · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 18 City: GA

but i could care less its not final

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

okay - i didn't say it was bad. i sayd it was good. im amazed that you're actually writing lyrics n stuff because most people dont do that

furitive_revolution · Outlaw Joined: 14 Jan 2003 Posts: 127 City: Oshawa

it's good but you are jumpin around on subjects...try to flow more on each subject and then mix them together. other than that yo you got some good rhymes goin on. good vocab. just fix up the jumpin around deal and it'll kick it..what beat is it to?
peace

WarEagleWrestler · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 18 City: GA

furitive...i have the beat in my head i cant really write it out and to AUBS i didnt mean to say that to u as a backlash, just meant it as what it means, it really isnt final but the song will come out as more a linkin park style

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

gottcha - i just didn't want u to think that i was sounding like a biotch before...

ohsix · Posted: Apr 09, 2003 5:19 pm Post subject:

no offense man but it sounds like you're white.

WarEagleWrestler · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 18 City: GA

crap how did u know........what gave it away....just keep that on the HUsh HUsh side...and dont tell ANYONE but hey neither is linkin park

kypa14 · Newbie Joined: 09 Apr 2003 Posts: 2

that is the best original rap song ive ever read.....i work for a record label and want to hear you do it to a beat....i never thought id find a black awesome rapper on the wakeboard site, but hey....u never know.. write back if you are interested in seeing me at the studio.
-lp

Lyte Skin · Outlaw Joined: 15 Feb 2003 Posts: 210 City: San Angelo, TX

its good that your trying.
sounds like you just started writing.

first bit of advise don't use obvious ryhmes.
like cat and bat.
you need to pick a topic and stick with it. you lost me for a bit.
not bad for a rookie, just practice a little longer before you throw another one out.

otiswunguy · Addict Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 871 City: Sammamish

kypa14-haahhaahhhaa the best you ever heard. word? nerd thats obsurd. you like terds?are you skeerd?can i come to your studio too. i bet you got all the fly reel to reels up in that shack. whats the name so i can go there? wrestling dude, was that freestyle or rehearsed? for freestyle it is alright but for rap\rock rehearsed it could use some work. linkin who? be original and f the rock rap fusion crap.

JJCash12345 · Newbie Joined: 10 Apr 2003 Posts: 25

i also have a rap of my own and it goes something like this:

hop hop hop... boing

Hoppin around all day long
Without a care in the world
Except for this song

The Kangaroo knows what to do
Whether its tiein' his shoe
Or a kissin you

You might see him hoppin around the town
You might see him jumpin up and down
But anywhere you see him be sure to say
Hey Mr. Kangaroo hop this way

kypa14 · Newbie Joined: 09 Apr 2003 Posts: 2

alright otis ill tell u from the start, ur a guy without a heart, a life mostly u dont have and a wife that has no purpose, to act gay u dare, out of the closet with no care, most likely u have guy friend but im sure hes closer than this as most likely u wish so u better get ur act together before birds of a feather flock together as more of ur bad raps get together to form a bad beat with a clap....homosexuals will follow and look up to u and think they can rap, little do they know that its useless to begin a rap and try to fuel this start with no end......................otiswunguy ive met more interesting fungi Cool

JJCash12345 · Newbie Joined: 10 Apr 2003 Posts: 25

i eat pie
i cant fly
wow how high
please dont die

J_DOGG · Posted: Apr 10, 2003 8:47 am Post subject:

lots O Rhymes but what is the song about....
Even da homies know you need to tell a tale or it's all mumbo jumbo...

Good start though...

PEACE

Butta Seeka · Posted: Apr 10, 2003 10:25 am Post subject:

hahahaha, go kypa

earlcombearl · Posted: Apr 10, 2003 11:00 am Post subject:

I'd like to see some originality and creativity. Give me a three minute rap on the contemporary state of the North Korean tariffs instituted by the United States from a rightist conservative point of view.

WarEagleWrestler · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 18 City: GA

all right all u retards (otiswunguy) this is for u..........
All around me I see a certain river of false love and beneath the hidden ripple ticks the clock of trust which binds us together from dust only to be swept away with the time of the minutes the world wastes and craves
back from the force i came i have no remorse no shame just an attitude that would settle for any aptitude of ur performance ur game, tis a shame u cant keep trying like me cant even see the possibilities through the eyes of suspicion, from above looking down
not everything wrapped up in silk can be gained with power but rather built, even with money can a person buy this, they can only dream about it with every waking wish
with every penny I drop into the well, to make my dreams come true, only time will tell as I sit and want it all...just to have a chance to become more than small...but nobody will take ahold the hand and unfold the river within, ripping open the current of reliance without sin
it’s a crime to receive what will not be true glimmering with hopes askew and
seconds pass as others will too
but ill show u how i shot....the undefinable clock....with minutes winding and unfolding the lock
everyone has there own deal to back them up in case they fall right through the river seeming real, only to quiver
dont u see the ghost fleet gracefully by, never to stop and stare but rather tempt and dare.......
the rap i write and know……the people i will have to show…
……..and this river will always flow
yea thats right bring it Surprised

WarEagleWrestler · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 18 City: GA

all right all u retards (otiswunguy) this is for u..........
All around me I see a certain river of false love and beneath the hidden ripple ticks the clock of trust which binds us together from dust only to be swept away with the time of the minutes the world wastes and craves
back from the force i came i have no remorse no shame just an attitude that would settle for any aptitude of ur performance ur game, tis a shame u cant keep trying like me cant even see the possibilities through the eyes of suspicion, from above looking down
not everything wrapped up in silk can be gained with power but rather built, even with money can a person buy this, they can only dream about it with every waking wish
with every penny I drop into the well, to make my dreams come true, only time will tell as I sit and want it all...just to have a chance to become more than small...but nobody will take ahold the hand and unfold the river within, ripping open the current of reliance without sin
it’s a crime to receive what will not be true glimmering with hopes askew and
seconds pass as others will too
but ill show u how i shot....the undefinable clock....with minutes winding and unfolding the lock
everyone has there own deal to back them up in case they fall right through the river seeming real, only to quiver
dont u see the ghost fleet gracefully by, never to stop and stare but rather tempt and dare.......
the rap i write and know……the people i will have to show…
……..and this river will always flow
yea thats right bring it Surprised

WarEagleWrestler · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 18 City: GA

.......i obviously posted that twice so it would uhhhh...sink in................

Vinne Babareeno · Criminal Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 95 City: Austin, Tx

Ohhhhh.....Ohhhhh.....Ohhhh....Here comes the Hammer.....OHHHH.....Ohhhhhhhh.......OHHHHHH Here comes the hammer.......HAMMERTIME!! Shocked

WarEagleWrestler · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 18 City: GA

i think its time that this hammer goes back into ur pocket

JHrod · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 3144

Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby
All right stop, Collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo -- I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle

now this is good rap!

WarEagleWrestler · Newbie Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 18 City: GA

for all the people that didnt believe kypa14 was a studio producer than go here and u can see him at his studio..............http://attrition.org/mirror/attrition/2000/02/10/www.gosargon.com/
awesome guy and great producer

earlcombearl · Posted: Apr 10, 2003 2:33 pm Post subject:

Gotta love the mullet!

otiswunguy · Addict Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 871 City: Sammamish

what did i miss? i fell asleep half way through wareagles post. it was like open mic at dead poets society. do you have any concept of beat counting or sylables(sp). i spin records and play around with making beats for fun. i think you have found the right guy to produce you poop and it is poop. kypa14. i would humor you with a little freestyle but people would think i was trying to be a rapper for life. its for fun thats all. i haven't heard one poem from you that was freestyle.

otiswunguy · Addict Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 871 City: Sammamish

what did i miss? i fell asleep half way through wareagles post. it was like open mic at dead poets society. do you have any concept of beat counting or sylables(sp). i spin records and play around with making beats for fun. i think you have found the right guy to produce you poop and it is poop. kypa14. i would humor you with a little freestyle but people would think i was trying to be a rapper for life. its for fun thats all. i haven't heard one poem from you that was freestyle

wakeriderof87 · Posted: Apr 11, 2003 6:56 pm Post subject:

i thought this stuff got deleted, i'm glad its back

Bill Y Bob · Posted: Apr 11, 2003 9:20 pm Post subject:

rap-an idiot's attempt at poetry
j/k I don't want to piss anyone. one of my friends told me that. When i think about it, it kinda rings true. I will admit i HATE rap though.

mellow24 · Outlaw Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 134 City: Tampa Bay Area

dance.. caress a speaker that booms
Im killin your brain like a poisonous mushroom
deadly.. when I play a dope melody
anything less than the best is a felony

impulse · Addict Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 807 City: Snyder,TX

Love it or leave it you better give way
im gonna hit bullseye the kid dont play
if there was a problem yo ill solve it
check out the hook as my dj resolves it

or somthing close to that hehehe thats a blast from the past