More French...

OttoNP · Addict Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 848 City: MI

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'
________
RHODE ISLAND MARIJUANA DISPENSARIES

wake152 · Posted: Mar 12, 2003 11:49 am Post subject:

thats pretty funny

Jacob · Posted: Mar 12, 2003 11:58 am Post subject:

stupid Frogs

B-rad · Posted: Mar 12, 2003 12:22 pm Post subject:

damn, that's good stuff..... Makes my republican side soooo happy to see funny things like that.

Syth · Addict Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 661 City: Brentwood

Go Go Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast!

B-rad · Posted: Mar 12, 2003 12:29 pm Post subject:

that was a funny story on CNN... I can't belive they changed the name from french fries to freedom fries, and they say we waste or time on bills that don't matter.

Ralph · Posted: Mar 12, 2003 12:34 pm Post subject:

What was just as funny was the New York's embassy's reply "French fries are were actually invented in Belgium" Classic.

Cruel World · Criminal Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 55 City: Waterford, MI

Not sure if this was posted yet, if so I apoligize. Pretty funny though.

Whether we support or protest Bush's upcoming war, we HAVE learned who
our friends are (and aren't)! Here are some great quotes about a former
ally:

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these
drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by
prostitutes."
-Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me."
-General George S. Patton

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
-Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
-Jacques Chirac, President of France

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion."
-Donald Rumsfeld

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
-Regis Philbin

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the
face for it."
-John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he
hates America, he loves mistresses, and wears a beret. He IS French,
people."
-Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get
Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans
out of France!"
-Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into
Paris under a German flag."
-David Letterman

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France!
-Jim Henderson

Pat McCarthy · Posted: Mar 12, 2003 1:09 pm Post subject:

Let's try to keep this to talking about France's politics, opposed to the people of France, or French people...we have French users of this message board who are good people, no matter what the leaders of their country's political views are. Thanks.

STPHNSN23 · Guest

good stuff, CW!

Tim Krasin · Outlaw Joined: 13 Feb 2003 Posts: 104 City: Houston, TX

Quite funny - Oh No, I forgot my accordion!

Lakebu · Outlaw Joined: 09 Mar 2003 Posts: 158 City: NorCalif.

Can France be so invested in its economic relationship with Iraq as it relates to the purchase of oil or exports to that country such as airplanes that it is disinclined to ignore Iraq's potential for worldwide mayhem? Or perhaps the large Algerian population living in France has its politicians worried that anti-Iraq activity could ignite terrorism at home.

The people who ask whether France remembers what the U.S. has done for it may be missing the big picture. The answer lies not in what France doesn't remember, but in what it does remember.

Lakebu · Outlaw Joined: 09 Mar 2003 Posts: 158 City: NorCalif.

The Train Ride :

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"

The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"

The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know,sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Richie Martin · Posted: Mar 13, 2003 6:14 am Post subject:

HAHA HAHA hhhhhhaaaaaa HHHHHAAAAA!!!! Those are the funniest things I've seen in months!!

Swass · Guest

The "going to war without France..." quote is not Rumsfeld's. That was a quote by Jed Babbin, former U.S. Undersecretary of Defense. I've also seen it attributed to Stormin' Norman.

B-rad · Posted: Mar 13, 2003 7:17 am Post subject:

hahaha... both train jokes are goooood. keep em coming, I just keep sending them to my liberal/ independant co-workers here. I love to rile them up about this stuff.