Friday's Joke

[Grouch]

A man and his wife were in a fancy resturant. While ordering, they noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket, and after looking around, they observed the other waiters and busboys each had a similar spoon. So the husband says, "what's with the spoon?"
The waiter said, "Well, we had this company come in and evaluate our time management and they found that people drop their spoon 74.8% more often than any other utensil. So if we carry one with us, we can reduce the trips back to the kitchen by 3 hours per shift."

The husband was impressed. Sure enough, he dropped his spoon during dinner and the waiter replaced it with his, stating, "I'll just get another when I go to the kitchen for something else."

While ordering dessert, the husband noted that the waiter had a very thin string hanging from the fly of his pants, as did the other waiters.

The husband, curious about this as well asked the wait, "Hey, there's a string on your pants?"

The waiter tells him, "Not all my customers are as observant as you... The same company found that we can reduce the amount of time spent in the bathroom by two hours each shift if we tie a string around the end of you-know-what, and when we have to go we just unzip and pull it out with the string completely eliminating the need to wash up and saving time."

The husband was impressed, but asked, "it's a good idea but how do you get it back in your pants?"

The waiter leaned close and whispered, "Well, I don't know about the rest of them, but personally I use the spoon."

[wake152]

ha ha wrong

[skobi1]

[Bo Coppinger]

Here is another one:

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The
waiter,
who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and
hands him a
menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the
menu. Just
bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll
smell it and
order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty
dish pile
and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind
man's table
and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to
his nose and
takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the
kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her
what had
just happened.

The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the
owner
mistakenly brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a
dirty
fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the
blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That
smells
great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with
broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind
man is
screwing around with him and tells his wife that the
next time
the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner
sees him
coming and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your
panties before I
take it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the
blind man
walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and
waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I
already
have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep
whiff, and
says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

[NAW]

SUCCESS:
At Age 4 success is . . . .not peeing in your pants.
At Age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At Age 16 success is . . ..having a drivers license.
At Age 20 success is . .. .having sex.
At Age 35 success is . .. .having money.
At Age 50 success is .. . .having money.
At Age 60 success is .. . .having sex.
At Age 70 success is . .. .having a drivers license.
At Age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At Age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

[criminally_minded]

Wow.... I'm not even successful at a single one of those yet....

[DaveBrowning]

... are you sure? cuz i've been successful at all of 'em but having money.

[J-Dub]

4 outta 5 ain't bad.

[nick e[V]ans]

haha good work fellas

[grady]

haha...all of em r pretty good.