How Men & Women shower

Grouch · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 1:47 pm Post subject: How Men & Women shower

How to Shower - Like A Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.

4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).

11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you freeze / roast

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Mould and Mildew Remover.

15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a blemish. Attack with nails/tweezers/stanley knife/sander/power drill if found.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

How to Shower - Like A Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake willy at her making a "wey hey" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror, suck in your gut, look for pecs. Admire yourself in the mirror.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.

10. Ensure you leave "special" hair on the soap bar.

11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

14. Pee (in the shower).

15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the bath the whole time.

16. Partially dry off.

17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire self again.

18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

19. Leave bathroom light on.

20. Return to the bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off towel, grab willy, repeat "Wey hey" sound.

21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

Sean_Brinston · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 1:51 pm Post subject:

Lmao the guy part is so true!

K-dub · Ladies Man Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 14760

so true Grouch!! So true! Laughing

criminally_minded · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 2:13 pm Post subject:

My friend has a hilarious story about meeting a drunk guy at a party who assured him there was nothing better than taking a dump in the shower and pushing it down the plug hole with his toe.

I mean, what the hell? Confused

JHrod · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 3144

thats just wrong

criminally_minded · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 2:24 pm Post subject:

Completly.

Chales · Guest

The guy one is true. Wow. Very precise.

STPHNSN23 · Guest

true but i usually go for the ace ventura look instead of the mohawk, just to spice things up a little

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

criminal - that's kinda nasty dude... yuck

Mr. Dumass · Criminal Joined: 22 Jan 2003 Posts: 81 City: Texas

Ahhhh CMinded!! That's just freggin gross! Did he mention on how to get the poo poo out from under his toe nail?? Shocked

FRANKIE · Guest

wow. doesn't that make us women look bad. i can't say that's what i do. personally, i shower with my clothes on... i'm afraid of being naked.

happy cleaning.
frankie

p.s. please don't tell me you all pee in the shower?!

Grouch · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:22 pm Post subject:

Someone is a little sick and dimented.

JHrod · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 3144

how do you get clean with clothes on---and when u go at it with a dude are you still fully clothed

Grouch · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:24 pm Post subject:

I bet that Criminal loves the Dirty Sanchez also. Shocked

ohsix · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:26 pm Post subject:

who doesnt piss in the shower? it's better than pissin in the lake.
you're not cool unless you pee in the shower.

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

*jaw hits floor*

Grouch · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:36 pm Post subject:

If pissing yourself is cool, than consider me Miles Davis.

matt 4 · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:36 pm Post subject:

why is it, that its alright to piss in the lake when you are floating right in it, which i do dont get me wrong, but it would be nasty to piss off a dock then jump in where you pissed?

Sean_Brinston · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:36 pm Post subject:

or better then in public pools

matt 4 · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:40 pm Post subject:

na i piss in public pools with no problem, has anybody accually seen a public pool where they accually have that crap that turns pink or whatever when you pee so everybody knows that you are peeing? people always warn me about it but i never see it.

quigglymaster · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:42 pm Post subject:

i cna' thave a good ride unless i piss my pants on the dock. i don't know. it's a psychological thing.

ohsix · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:44 pm Post subject:

i dont think there's such thing as that stuff matt. my dad always tells people we have it but i know we dont.

Grouch · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:45 pm Post subject:

matt 4,

I have only seen the pool turn yellow around me when I pee, never pink.

JHrod · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 3144

thats pretty nasty that you guys piss in the confines of a public pool--in a lake it is different due to the size but in a pool it just recirculates over and over again

Grouch · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:49 pm Post subject:

That what chlorine is for. Very Happy

Dees · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:54 pm Post subject:

What about dropping the kids off in the shower, they forgot to mention that. Twisted Evil

Frankie- I call bullstuff

Josh Hrdy- Frankie's a virgo

criminally_minded · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:54 pm Post subject:

Grouch - It wasn't me I swear!

And the dirty sanchez is not a party trick I prefer....

JHrod · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 3144

i hear u---i wanna know if this not liking nuity is a phobia or something

Grouch · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 3:56 pm Post subject:

criminally_minded,

how about the donkey punch or the screaming seagul (always a classic at the beach) Twisted Evil

criminally_minded · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 4:04 pm Post subject:

Ha Ha! once again here is the infamous link..... - http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/pornglossary.html (not for children)

Also - Ha! I'm no longer a top ten poster!

Grouch · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 4:14 pm Post subject:

I did not see the "Screaming Seagul" on that list. Confused

Nor*Cal · Ladies Man Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9479 City: Sac

To make things even easier I also brush my teeth in the shower with me. Take care of pretty much everything in the shower except for the one that would require pushing stuff down the drain with your toe.

Josh are you serious. I have been a competitive swimmer and waterpolo player for years and always pee in the pool. You know how much chlorine is in that pool? Enough that you don't have to worry about. The waterpolo quote in my senior year book was, "Real athletes pee in the pool."

criminally_minded · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 4:37 pm Post subject:

Grouch - The 'Screaming seagull', although a classic, is more of a dick-trick that a sexual act, therefor its not included I guess.

I'm going to see 'puppetry of the penis' at the royal thearter later this month, I'm sure the seagull will get a good run!

have you guys seen these 2 Aussies? nuts...

TravelJunkie · Guest

i use to take a shower like a man but now the list on How a woman takes a shower fits me to a T. I think working at Bath & Body Works has done this to me. I have all kinds of soap and scrub its stupid. Women have things to take "care" of in the shower. Wink

i think they forgot about that one on both lists.

i still pee in the shower tho. Twisted Evil

criminally_minded · Posted: Feb 26, 2003 4:51 pm Post subject:

A quick fix for Tinia (you guys call it atheletes foot I think?) is to piss on you feet in the shower. The high ammonia concentration kills the bacteria. They teach you that in the army I think.