I need some entertainment

[churchy]

My day suddenly began to drag in a big way... Someone please post some good entertainment to help a brotha out...

[Lindsay]

Sorry, churchy, no good links and no b-fly type stash but here's a kinda funny little personal ancedote for the day. I once dated a guy named Muff (short for Muffeed, he was Egyptian American). <insert joke about me "Muff" diving here>

[somepunk22]

Bored as well...

[somepunk22]

Flame away!

[bluefish86]

This is a little long, but it's pretty funny:

<I cut out the explanation at the top because it was long and not funny. It pretty much says these are actual frauds that happened last year.>

Top Ten Insurance Frauds of the Year

Love Hurts: The cyclist was left bleeding and in serious pain after
being
hit by a car. It seemed like a clear-cut case at the time and he received
$22,000 in compensation from his insurance company. Then his tangled web of
lies began to unravel and the accident turned out to be not exactly
accidental. The case ended up in court where the evidence included a
toothpick
and an overly helpful girlfriend. She was behind the wheel and had
deliberately run into the man, gently she'd hoped. That's where the
toothpick
came in. The man had stuck it up his nose to get some blood and the
insurance
money flowing. Before the gavel came down, the defendant's lawyer, in an
effort to win some sympathy for his client, pointed out that not all his
injuries were fake. In fact, he'd lost some teeth. He also lost the case
and
there's no word on whether his girlfriend still thinks he has a winning
smile.

A Burning Lie: The evening began with a few too many drinks. The man
then
drove off in his pick-up truck and soon crashed into another vehicle. He
fled
the scene and managed to drive home where he cooked up a plan to avoid
arrest
and make a little money too. That night he drove the damaged truck to the
outskirts of town and set it on fire. He told police his truck had been
stolen
and the thief must have caused the accident. He even had the audacity to
file
a theft claim with his insurance company. A better plan would have been to
take a cab home. He now faces charges for both drunk driving and fraud.

Next Stop Jail: The city bus was stopped on the street when a truck
rammed into its rear end. The impact wasn't that great in fact it was
really
just a minor fender bender but 44 passengers on board claimed to have been
injured. It turned out that wasn't all they had in common. They had all
been
recruited to take the fateful bus ride with the promise of a $100 now and
more
down the road. It was a bold scheme on a big scale and the payoff would
have
been huge. The organizers planned to run the fake claims through the system
and make a pile of money on bogus rehab therapy. Police, however, wondered
how
so many people could have been injured in such a minor accident. It defied
the
laws of physics not to mention the law of the land. The conspirators,
including the truck driver, now face a range of fraud charges and their
next
bus ride could well end at the prison gates.

The Very Bad Driver: His wife must have been a terrible driver. She was
reversing out of their driveway, he told the insurance company, when she
lost
control and rammed into another vehicle which in turn injured three
pedestrians. In a panic she put the car into drive, lurched forward and
slammed into the garage. The car was a write off and the company paid
$18,000.
That was back in 1998. Another fast forward brings us to 2003 when an
anonymous tip reopens the case. Investigators discover that the wife was in
fact at work when the accident happened. The husband was fined and ordered
to
repay the money. Perhaps he should also have been ordered to take driving
lessons.

Blood Simple: When police arrived on the scene of the single vehicle
accident, they found the wrecked car but there was no sign of the driver.
They
tracked down the owner who told them he had been drinking that night and,
being a responsible citizen, had asked someone at the bar to drive his car
home. Only he couldn't remember who it was. The police were suspicious and
so
were insurance investigators. They had a DNA sample from the car's airbag
and
invited the owner down to a lab to be tested to see if was a match.
Instead,
the man sent a friend to give a blood sample but his friend's photo and
fingerprints revealed the ruse. Claim denied and charges were laid against
both men.

Lost in Translation: The mastermind of what may have been one of the
biggest fraud rings in Canadian history wore many hats. First, he was a
recruiter who rounded up a total of 59 friends, family members and
colleagues
from work. Then he became their coach, teaching them how to stage a fake
accident and dispatching them around town where they put their training to
work. When it came time to file their claims, he became their legal advisor
helping them deal with the paperwork and procedures. That wasn't difficult
for
him since he knew the system well; he was also a paralegal and an official
court interpreter. In several cases he also acted as a translator for his
recruits probably to ensure they got their story straight. He would
eventually
become even more familiar with the justice system in his final role as the
defendant.

Grand Theft: It began with a fairly routine police report six years
ago.
The man reported that his Jeep Cherokee had been stolen from a mall parking
lot. There was nothing particularly suspicious about the claim after all
SUVs
are a popular target for car thieves. The man received a $40,000 payment
from
the insurance company and the file was closed. It was reopened this year
when
an intrepid police officer discovered the Jeep wrapped in a tarpaulin
inside a
rental storage unit and it was in pristine condition. Before he called the
owner with the good news, the officer did a little checking and discovered
that the storage rental payments had been charged to the owner's credit
card.
A judge ordered the owner to repay the $40,000 and tacked on a $3,000
fine. An
ad in the local paper now might read: 1996 Grand Cherokee, hardly driven,
owner forced to sell.

Rubbed the Wrong Way: Massage therapy can be a very useful treatment
for
helping accident victims recover from their injuries. One massage therapy
clinic, however, apparently discovered a miraculous new form of massage.
The
patient, it seems, didn't even have to show up. It was just as well since
the
healing hands of the masseuses were too busy filling out claim forms. Not
everyone believes in miracles though and an anonymous tip led to a search
warrant. Investigators didn't find any miracles either only a variation on
an
old scam. Patients would receive one session of treatment and the insurance
company was billed for three. It also turned out the clinic had a very
hands-on owner and he was slapped with a range of fraud charges.

Thin Air: You'd think an accountant would keep better track of his
bills
but maybe his office was too warm for him to think straight. He'd bought an
air conditioner or at least that's what he said. The man who sold it to him
had a different story. He said the accountant never paid for the machine
so he
went over to the accountant's house and took it back. The accountant,
however,
saw an opportunity and called his insurance company to file a claim for a
stolen air conditioner. That's when he really began to feel the heat.
Investigators didn't believe that an accountant couldn't produce a receipt.
Claim denied.

[churchy]

That is a good start....

just thought of something funny I saw last night on the Chappelle show. The remade the don't do weed commercial with the guys running over the girl on her bicycle as they came out of the drive through. The commmercial was about how weed slows your reaction time. The last frame basically read that girls under the age of 12 shouldn't do weed while riding bikes as it slows reaction times by 30%.... I guess you would have had to see it.

[Jim M]

I saw it, it was just wrong, and I laughed my a## off

You think it will cut to black, but nope, it shows the accident, how funny was the collision!!! I want to send a thank you letter to Dave for making me practically pee myself every time I watch that show.

[Dpierce37]

THIS SHOULD KEEP YOU BUSY!

damn caps lock...

Its the best of....


http://animal.discovery.com/convergence/pfa/video/vote.html

[Jim M]

sweet! some Chappelle show clips online...

http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/chappellesshow/showclips.jhtml

needs RealPlayer

[Thor_717]

An old man was sitting on a park bench when this boy sat down next to him. The old man stars at his hair because he had a huge Mohawk. Each Point was a different color; red, green, blue. The kid says to the old man, what you never done anything stupid when you were my age. Without batting an eye the old man says yup, yup I have. Once I had $ex with a parakeet; I was just wondering if you were my son.

[Lindsay]

Oh, the stupidity of some folks...

COVINGTON, Georgia (AP) -- A Georgia woman who tried to use a fake $1 million bill to buy $1,675 worth of merchandise at Wal-Mart was arrested, and police later found two more of the bills in her purse.

The U.S. Treasury does not make $1 million bills, but similar-looking currency is sold in some souvenir shops. The fake bill featured a picture of the Statue of Liberty, police said.

"It looks real, but of course there's nothing real about this," said Stacey Cotton, police chief in Covington, about 30 miles southeast of Atlanta. "People do crazy things all the time."

A store clerk immediately noticed the bill was fake when 35-year-old Alice Regina Pike handed it to her on Friday, Cotton said.

Pike then tried to use two gift cards worth only $2.32 to buy the merchandise, but when that did not work she again asked to cash the $1 million bill, Cotton said. The store then called police.

Pike was jailed on forgery charges. A woman who answered the phone at the jail said she did not know if Pike has a lawyer.

[matt1808]

heard this on Bob and Tom yesterday.

Tom said he had his, 7 year old, grandson over and he was playing in the back yard with a friend. His grandson came in and asked him what it was called when a somebody slept on another person. He told his grandson that it was an adult subject that he couldn't tell him until he was older and it was called sexual intercourse. His grandson went back outside. Later he came back inside and said "grandpa your an idiot... it's called bunkbeds."

[finkle]

bob and tom suck