help me please (a serious problem)

rydordye2006 · Outlaw Joined: 19 Feb 2004 Posts: 169 City: Fort Myers

hey whats up everyone, i dont mean to drag you guy's/girls into reading about my shi**y a** life but i need some advice. i am 16 and living in the fort myers area. i have a major issue with my parents. thet are always dicks to me and i feel like they alway's just trying to get me in trobble so they can call my dad and tell him what a bad job he did raising me (my dad lives in michigan and we moved here to "straighten out my life") and i hate that because i realy care about my dad. it is very hard living with my parents because they both did good in school and think that i should be come kinda child prodegy at everything. but the only thing that i am good at i wakeboarding and science. they constantly pick at me and make me feel like shi* and i dont know what to do about it. thinking about runing away but dont know what to do after that. i need some advice from someone. thanks

oh ya and i am not just bit**iung to get some simpithey or anything like that so if you have some smart a** comment just leave it to your self please

ohsix · Posted: Feb 29, 2004 5:45 pm Post subject:

Sounds like you need to talk to your parents and figure some things out. I've been in tough situations before, but I always knew my parents loved me. I'm sure yours love you too. Running away is not going to fix anything because then you're just running from your problems instead of trying to make things better.

My advice is to talk to a family member and tell them what you think and see if they can help you sort things out.

garveyj · Addict Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 877 City: Savage, MN

Running away will not solve any problems, but will create new ones. Living alone is not the easiest thing in the world, and it takes alot to get used to. If you really feel like you are not getting the best of your world at home, then I would suggest foster care. Believe it or not it is a pretty good deal (assuming that you get into a house that is good for you). You can opt to do that by going to the family support center.

At age 16 I know I was not ready to live by myself, and I doubt that you are too, but I think the best thing for you is to get into an environment that will help you become the best you can be. If you are in an abusive relationship, it will do nothing to help you and everything to hurt you. In the end it is all your choice, but I think you should really consider other options besides running away.

Chales · Guest

Take a big breath, get a good night's sleep, and thank your mom when she fixes your breakfast tomorrow morning.

drifter36 · Addict Joined: 25 Aug 2003 Posts: 679 City: Fargo

i know u probly dont want to hear this but that sounds like the same problem like 80% or more of teenagers have today. i know i did. and u dont wana take the road i did. try to fix your problems with your parents. it takes compramise. i didnt do anything and i ended up falling into a deep depresion and the only thing that kept me from killing myself is cause i know that that was the most selfish dumba$$ thng i could have done cause then my best friend(who also happen to be the person i wakeboard with) would be without me.

Partyb · Posted: Feb 29, 2004 7:48 pm Post subject:

Go talk to the school counselor.

twitch88 · Posted: Feb 29, 2004 8:03 pm Post subject:

your parents may be dicks but dont take them for granted you should feel fortunate to have them.

Funkster · Posted: Feb 29, 2004 8:14 pm Post subject:

I can remember being a teenager and thinking my parents where just being pricks and that they where just out to get me but actually it was just the opposite. They where looking out for me in everyway. Now I'am a parent, I can see where they where coming from and I thank them for it. It sounds like there is more to the story than you are telling us. If you have to move to another state to "straighten out your life" maybe they are seeing things we are not and you are seeing it through your eyes. I know at 16 I made some stupid choices and my parents set me straight and I thought they where just out to get me. Just for the fact they are taking the time out and trying to get you "straighten out" shows that they love you.

dumassonwheels89 · Posted: Feb 29, 2004 8:23 pm Post subject:

Hey bro I'm 14 and my mom is a big alcoholic, drug dealer, cheated on my dad, they are going through a long divorce, she still wont leave our house even though they are splitting up, We are big time in debt, and my best friend is becoming a big druggy too. What I did was I went to AA or alcoholics anonymous and I know your prrobably thinking its a place ofr alcoholics but every Tuesday night they have Allateen which is a AA just for teenagers. And you dont have to be the one actually doing the bad stuff. It doesn't even have to involve alcohol or drugs. You go in and only give your first name. You dont have to talk the entire hour its completely voluntary. They talk about there problems and it really helped me out. I'm sure if you look for it on line you can find an allateen place near you. It helped me and it can help you man.

Leggester · Posted: Mar 01, 2004 7:17 am Post subject:

Well, all I can say is for a 16 year old. Your grasp of the English language is in desperate straights. You know, based on that post, you'd be considered illiterate? And only 2 more years of school to go?

Perhaps your folks are on to something?

Post their bitches about you so we can get both sides of the story.

leslisa · Posted: Mar 01, 2004 8:14 am Post subject:

rydordye2006, first off, I can see both sides. I've been there. There is dysfunctional and then there is DYSFUNCTIONAL. I come from a very rough upbringing. I know that not all parents have your best interest in mind. And some parents do have your best interest in mind, but kids have a hard time seeing it that way.

It is rough to always be dogged on. You didn't mention. When you do well, do your parents give you praise? Or do they ignore your accomplishments. Do they support you in your wakeboarding?

You can try to find a responsible adult to talk to. How is your relationship with your father? Can you speak to him about this? Can you talk to a counselor at school. You'd be suprised, some school counselors really know what is going on and can help. Unless it gets so bad that they are hurting you in some way, don't run away from home. The streets suck. You could be raped, killed, or worse (yes, there is worse). Talk to an adult, even a teacher or similar might be able to listen and offer help.

Have you told your parents how you feel? Parents aren't psychic. If you think that they will listen to your side of the story and not blow up, they would be a good place to start.

What you are feeling is valid. What they are doing may be valid too. I don't know. I'm not there. Lastly, you can ask them to go to family counseling with you if you think they will. I would if my kids asked. I'm a hard a$$ and a control freak on many issues, but my kids and my husband mean more to me than anything in the world and I would do anything I can for them.

Dn't be whiney about how you feel and don't place blame. State how you feel and why you feel that way. If a letter would work better, write them a letter and let them think it over and then respond.

Odds are you are a really terrific kid and they love you, you are all getting used to your being idependent and having your own ideas. It's pretty scary for some parents and sometimes scarier for teens.

Just my unprofessional mom ideas Very Happy

.

BTW, my kids are 18, 14, and 5 yo. Wink

We fight like anything sometimes, but I always love them.

Lisa

luckysloan777 · Outlaw Joined: 27 Aug 2003 Posts: 225 City: ptown

Yeh man ive been there just recently. My ex-step-mom, thank god, hated me. My dad never saw it, eventhough i would always tell him. But she would always talk stuff about me to my dad, like i wasnt comin to dinner. When the reason i wouldnt come to dinner is because i would be playin my guitar and she wouldnt ever tell me dinner was ready. She rarely cooked so its not like we were on a schedule. She would also set up trapps for me, like leave doors halfway open or unlocked and tell my dad I was sneeking out and other stuff like that. All i did to get through that was sit in my room or leave and go hang out with friends, anything to get out of the house. But sooner or later my dad caught her cheating on him and divorced her dumba$$. I hate that bitch with a passion Evil or Very Mad

, but me and my dad are cool now soooo...just hang in there man and try to talk to them about how you feel.

NorCalStud686 · Posted: Mar 01, 2004 9:24 am Post subject:

Hey man, I know exactly how you feel. Really something pretty simular happed to my recently. all my parents seemed to do was bitch at me. Then i started to cut class, and stuff like that. but then i realized that , that just gave them more to bitch at me about. it seemed like my life was going at a downward spiral, and i was quickly getting to the bottom. I posted a topic on here Military Schools, and it explained my situation, most of the people here gave me what i thought at the time was "sh*t", but then i realized it was just tough love in a sense. The people on here gave me some good advice, and i am guessing they will do the same to you.

I assume you live with your mom and a step-father? if you are unhappy, talk to you mom about it, i would leave the step-father out of it IMO, and talk to your [real]dad at the same time. mabye you could move back with your dad? that might do a bit of good for you. since you seem to be unhappy at your situation with your mom and step-father.

BTW, may i ask what type of things needed "straightening up" in your life when you lived Michigan? That could also be a factor in this.

dumassonwheels89 · Posted: Mar 01, 2004 12:41 pm Post subject:

Leggester you need to back up man. This is kid is looking for a lead in the right direction when he is having issues with the people you should have the least with, his parents. And all you can do is make fun of his spelling and call him illeterate. Guys like you are what make people like him scared to post about their problems. And if they dont talk about it they cant get help. I have had a clase friend of mine commit suicide because he was afraid to tell anyone about his problems. Its not a joke, death is real and if you dont take it serious then what makes you think someone is going to help you when you have problems. What goes around comes around and your just digging your grave. Karma man.

Leggester · Posted: Mar 01, 2004 2:42 pm Post subject:

Well, you're certainly entightled to your opinion DA.

Having helped, and boarded, multiple teenagers, I've found there comes a time when you, as a teen, have to accept people. IMHO, there's way too much "blame everybody else" going around.

I'll wait until I have both sides of the story. Until then, I expect a 16 year old to get the basics and work with them. Even if he does leave home, i.e. run away, he'll need the basics of English and Math.

BurkeViper · Posted: Mar 01, 2004 2:50 pm Post subject:

I'd say definately talk to your parents. Don't runaway without ever seeing their side of the story. Tell them how you feel. Make a compromise. They'll see how you feel; hopefully things will change for the better. I've never been in your situation, sorry I can't be of more help.

Good Luck. Very Happy

bluefish86 · Posted: Mar 01, 2004 5:49 pm Post subject:

It looks like most of the people posting are from the "I've had a similar experience" side, so I'm gonna post something from the complete opposite end of the spectrum.

I have a good relationship with my parents, and always have. We respect each other and we have never gotten in a serious fight. I think that is because if I ever have a problem, I talk to them right away, and we work it out. If they have a problem, they do the same. They talk to me, and work out a fair solution.

I'd say the key to having a good relationship with your parents (or anyone else for that matter) is talking. People aren't psychic and can't easily tell if they are doing something that irritates, or even hurts you.

drifter36 · Addict Joined: 25 Aug 2003 Posts: 679 City: Fargo

ok heres something my parents just found out tonight that i drink and i used to smoke weed. when my parents and i used to fight i would have lied, but tonight my mom asked me and i said yes and my parents just laghed at me. i couldnt beleive it cause my mom doesnt allow nyquil in our house cause its got alcohol in it. my mom who is a second grade teacher and treets everyone as if they were 6 years old was laghing at the fact that i go out and get wasted. i couldnt believe it.

Dees · Posted: Mar 03, 2004 8:11 am Post subject:

I'll I can say is it is shitty being young and not knowing any better. Maybe they are treating you that way because you are treating them that way. I know when I was younger I was an a$$hole to my parents. Not all the time but some of the time. I had some sort of depression, why, I have never figured it out. I still have it today, Some days, I am as happy as one person could be, then other days (like Monday) I'am pissed off at the world and I get all emotional. Have I seeked help for it, no. Have a ever been suicidal, no. Because I can see what suicida does to a family (My closet uncle hung him self last year on Thankgiving weekend), and how selfish it is, and how it doesnt solve anything. SO maybe you need to treat them better and they will treat you better.

Jester · Posted: Mar 03, 2004 8:39 am Post subject:

I have no new advice to offer, but garveyj I dig your avatar.

leslisa · Posted: Mar 03, 2004 8:53 am Post subject:

rydordye2006, How are things going? Looking any brighter today?

Lisa

liquidfool · Addict Joined: 15 Jun 2003 Posts: 668 City: borelando

ok ok so heres what you need to do. get tivo so you can watch all the episodes of the OC and then you can see how bad some rich white kids really have it. Listen to a little bit more angry rap music. then start doing drugs and get a girl pregnant. leave your nice cozy home and 3 meals a day to go live at a friends house or even in the streets. don't go to college because your florida public education seems to be giving you all the knowledge that you could ever need. get a job flippin burgers at Mc D's. live a lonely unhappy life and continue blaming your parents for it. then die.

simple as that Very Happy

Leggester · Posted: Mar 03, 2004 3:23 pm Post subject:

JAY-SUS!!!!!

You're harsher than I am. And quite a bit more to the point!

Folks, these are some of the harsh realities of life. Maybe, just maybe, the parents have enough on their minds trying to make ends meet rather than getting in touch "emotionally" with a teenager that should be starting to be a man.

Sometimes, you just have to suck it up. I do on a regular basis and I've been working longer than most of you were a twinkle in your daddy's eye.

We don't know the whole story.

rydordye2006 · Outlaw Joined: 19 Feb 2004 Posts: 169 City: Fort Myers

hey guys i would just like to thank you all for your help, and to answer all of your questions, no i am not suacidal, and the things that i had to straghten out was that i was hanging out with the wrong people but i never did anything like weed or ex but they would and then she found out and accused me for doing it aswell. so then we started to fight and that. now that we live down here she is still accuseing me of doing that kinda stuf when i never did in the first place. i realy hate it and it pisses me off. any time i do something good she will say that i did a good job but then she will always bring up something that i did wrong.

thanks again for alll your help. especially leslisa

leslisa · Posted: Mar 08, 2004 10:30 am Post subject:

rydordye2006, You're welcome. Now that I have a little more info, I think it sounds like she is scared for you and she can't control everything you do anymore so she is trying to make certain nothing happens. I think I would be worried also. PM me if you ever want to talk.

Leggester & liquidfool, (especially liquidfool) You guys are harsh. We don't know the whole story but I try to see both sides of how things are and never down play the validity of a feeling.

I disagree that you always have to suck it up. The society I lived in preached it and I lived through many years of h*ll because of it. I've been earning my own cash since I was 12 yo because my dad was a drug addict who wouldn't buy us clothes and sometimes didn't give my mom money for food. He was physically and verbally abusive and yet in his mind's eye he was doing better than his dad who was worse. So he felt good and I felt sad. Neither feeling was right or wrong. How people feel is valid and important to them. It's just how you feel. I would have starved to death had my brother not hunted. That's a fact. I feel sad and betrayed that my dad did that to us. That's a feeling. It's mine. I own it, and I get to. I don't have to suck it up and pretend it's not there. I just work around it because when I ignore it, I become mean to those around me.

I am only now finishing college at 35 yo. but I am an executive assistant, make a decent living, and work hard. Not going to college does not directly correlate to being a burger flipper.

Leggester I think it's admirable that you take teens into your home. It takes a special person for that.

Lisa

Boardergirl · Criminal Joined: 30 Jan 2004 Posts: 53 City: The Hamptons

Tell your parents how you feel, but dont run away..16 is way too young..I am 16 too and I cant imagine running away at my age. Just tell them your feelings and hopefully something will work out for you.

beckah · Newbie Joined: 08 Mar 2004 Posts: 19 City: adelaide

rydordye2006,
damn i no wot u mean im only 14 and i feel like running away coz my parents cant trust me they never let me go out wakeboarding which is all i want to do and they always put me down all the time likle i am no one my dad's a school teacher and youd think he would know how it feels but no.