The Legless Parrot

Grouch · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 10:28 am Post subject: The Legless Parrot

THE LEGLESS PARROT

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud; "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy s**t," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered
me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this-how do you hang on to your
perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook You can't see it because of my feathers.

"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't
you!?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really
ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."

"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants
me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting,
he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's
insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work
and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing.

"I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your
wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in
a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty
and began petting her all over" reported the parrot.

"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick
her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down..."

"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.

Grouch · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 10:31 am Post subject:

Two men and a woman were sitting at a bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says, "I'm a yuppie... you know, young, urban, professional."

The second guy says, "I'm a dink... you know, double income, no kids."

They then asked the woman, "And you?"

She replied, "I'm a wife... you know, wash, iron, f*ck, etc."

NAW · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 11:31 am Post subject:

Funny shizzle Laughing

impulse · Addict Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 807 City: Snyder,TX

those were good thanks

core-rider · Addict Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 531 City: Huntsville, AL

The parrot joke is one of the funniest I've seen on this site yet!!! Laugh

Dees · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 12:09 pm Post subject:

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her. "I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."
"I thank thee", replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband check that too."
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."
True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on immediately.
"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

Ryan W · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 12:09 pm Post subject:

HAHAHA good one Grouch.

Grouch · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 12:44 pm Post subject:

Glad I could bring some joy to your otherwise glum and dull lives.

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

grouch - that one was great... major props to u dude...

Grouch · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 3:19 pm Post subject:

Aubs,

Why thank you for the compliment, it means alot coming from such a hot chick like yourself. Very Happy

Liquid_Force · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 3:21 pm Post subject:

The parrot joke is the greatest thing i have ever heard
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Very Happy

Sean_Brinston · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 4:25 pm Post subject:

Lmao that made me smile

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

hey grouch - is that a pic of u in your profile? if so, thats sweet dude. i leave for a snowboard trip friday in vermont and im sssoooo stoked...

Grouch · Posted: Feb 19, 2003 5:47 pm Post subject:

Aubs,

Yeaht thats me riding the halfpipe at my local crappy mountain, Mt High. I am leaving for Mammoth friday afterwork for the weekend and possibly monday. Should be alot of fun.

Have fun in vermont, they should have tons of snow by now. Enjoy! Very Happy

JHrod · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 3144

hey aubs----where in vermont are u going?????---if it's killington u should have a blast----they got a nice terrain park right off the main run----it ends right back at the lift---it has about 5-7 nice looking jumps, a rainbow slider,a table top, and an assortment of straight rails

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

josh - i went to killington a couple weeks ago, it was really niice. actually, i am going to smuggler's notch. i've never been here before, so im hoping that its decent. okemo last week-end was awesome. there was fresh powder, but it wasn't too thick - the ideal snowboarding conditions...

grouch - thats awesome. me and a couple of my friends tried the pipe at a local mountain a couple weeks ago. it was crazy. my two guys friends sucked. i mean getting on/off the lifts with them was like hell. but they've got some serious balls and were trying 3's and 5's and just fell on their asses everytime. it was alotta fun to watch. i think i need to have someone teach me how to do pipe before i actually try some stuff....

JHrod · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 3144

yeah---killington isn't a bad place and i was there on my spring break so the snow wasn't even that great

Alan Whitaker · Outlaw Joined: 19 Jan 2003 Posts: 116 City: Whiteland

I think my bird is holding out on me. Shocked

JHrod · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 3144

holy stuff--thats the bird thats been stalking me-----ahhhhhhh he found me on here even Sad

Grouch · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 8:29 am Post subject:

Aubs,

If you ever venture out to Southern Ca. during the winter I will teach you how to ride the pipe.

I may be back east in Sunday River Maine towards the end of March, for nationals. Any word on how that place is?

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

grouch - maine in general is a beautiful place. we spend 2 weeks at our cabin on the lake every summer, and its in the middle of maine. but i've never been to maine for snowboarding. i'll ask around tho - i kno that one of my friends went to maine on break this week, so maybe he went boarding there. my dad's out in cali this week - lucky dude.... lol

Grouch · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 8:42 am Post subject:

aubs,

Thanks for the PM I checked it out and hopefully there will be good weather when I go out there. It will be a long week but it will be fun to ride with a huge group of people from all over the country.

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

yeah - that's awesome. u must be awesome if you're planning on going to nationals. thats so sweet dude. good luck at the comps!! maybe i can convince a couple of my friends to drive up with me for the day to come watch the comp up there.

Grouch · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 8:58 am Post subject:

The last contest is a halfpipe contest on March 1.

I am behind on overall qualifying points by about 2 points. If the weather holds up and the pipe is good I need ot get 1st or 2nd to qualify.

Currently the pipe is closed and they may not have the last contest, meaning that points will be totaled and taken as is. Cross your fingers that they will have the last one.

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

*crosses her fingers* lemme know how it goes. what days are nationals scheduled to be?

Grouch · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 9:26 am Post subject:

I believe its March 22-27

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

okay. well good luck. im off to go pick up mom's new car with her. im excited 'cept the biotch told me that im never going to drive it. she still won't let me get my permit. my the time they let me get my license, twerp will be driving. this is pathetic lol

Grouch · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 10:01 am Post subject:

Moms getting a new Volvo, that should be pretty sick. Just take the keys and go joyriding when they are asleep. Wink

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

yeah right. its such a sweet car tho. volvo s80 - silver. heated seats and everything!!!! yay

wake152 · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 10:33 am Post subject:

you should take a trip to the northwest snowboard on some real mts up here.

Grouch · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 10:58 am Post subject:

Wake152

I have been up there before to Mt Hood but only during the summer. Worked as a pipe digger at camp.

My cousin lives somewhere up there, close to the washington/oregon border and he is always telling me to come up. Maybe sometime soon I will check it out.

wake152 · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 11:03 am Post subject:

You should. Hit up Batchlor or if you really want to go up north hit up whistler there is nothing like that place. Spec if you are like 19-30. Lots of hot drunk chicks.

K-dub · Ladies Man Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 14760

Whistler is off the hook! And the women in Vancouver are some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen! Wink

Grouch · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 11:09 am Post subject:

Kyle,

Plus the drinking age is also 19 which betters my odds Laughing

wake152 · Posted: Feb 20, 2003 11:17 am Post subject:

I gotta agree with Kyle on this one