No...THIS is what sucks! (family law issues)

jumalian · Ladies Man Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 7625 City: san diego

I have to take my son's mom to court to fight for my rights that she insisted today I don't have. (visitation) That's what sucks! Crying or Very sad

Any Family Law attorneys out there?

I almost bought a pack of smokes. Crying or Very sad

Dees · Posted: Aug 25, 2003 11:16 am Post subject:

dont step to the smokes that's not the answer.

SS_EMT · Criminal Joined: 22 Jul 2003 Posts: 82 City: S. S.

Just make sure all your ducks are in a row before you go to court.

BillJ · Posted: Aug 25, 2003 12:49 pm Post subject:

Sorry to hear that Joe. The idea of going to court against someone that you loved is just sad. Of course it's even worse that she would try to deprive you of time with your son.

90redgsx · Criminal Joined: 08 Jul 2003 Posts: 80 City: Michigan

good luck with that. sorry to hear it. I hope things go alright because this kind of stuff sucks because it can be pretty tough on the kid.

Leggester · Posted: Aug 25, 2003 1:39 pm Post subject:

Joe, I also am sorry to hear that.

In court:

Dress well. A tie and jacket go a long way.

Best manners. "Yes, your honor and No, your honor" also go a very long way.

No slang.

Do not wear ear rings or other jewelry besides a ring, at most two, on your hands.

Stand up straight. I'm not kidding. You don't know the judge. First appearances count very much.

Other things. What makes you say you have visitation rights? Was there a prior ruling, at divorce maybe, that granted them?

I hope you do find a good attorney. Seems like you've been trying to turn a different page the past year or so.

Keep your calm. Be the 'adult' of the argument. And, if at all possible, leave your kid out of the procedings.

Good luck, God bless,
Matt

jt09 · Ladies Man Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 22083 City: Austin

That does suck Joe...Sorry to hear about that.

Fight the good fight man. Fathers rights get trampled WAY too often. If you are a good dad and pay your support, you should get as much visitation as legally possible.

I fought with my ex for over a year about that crap. She got a measly $50 more a month (she wanted WAY more) and I got everything I wanted.....and a fat bill from the lawyer. Not her best idea ever to try and take me to court. She even wanted to restrict me from taking my daughter on a boat because she knew I was always on the lake! Tons of other crazy stuff too...she got none!

Leg's got some good suggestions too - Hopefully you never have to use them. We settled before getting in front of a judge. One good thing about my ex and I during the whole fight, we NEVER brought it up in front of our daughter. Even at 18 months old, she knew when we weren't getting along, so we fought over the phone, e-mail, IM, at the lawyer's offices - anywhere but in front of our daughter. In front of her, we just acted normal. Somewhat surreal, but it helped a ton.

Leggester, If it is his kid, he has visitation rights. He is the father! I think I know what you meant by the question though - "Was there a ruling of some kind?" A judge doesn't have to "give" a father visitation rights, he already has them. A judge/ruling is only necessary when the two parents can not agree on what the terms of the visitation are.

B-rad · Posted: Aug 25, 2003 2:14 pm Post subject:

Man, divorce and custody in general are fairly without mess. My parents fought forever and I don't even remember them ever being married. Like everyone else has said, keep up with appearences and look very sharp. Bring check documentation to show payment, anything else you can do to look favorable in the courts eyes. Good luck and sorry about the situation.

criminally_minded · Posted: Aug 25, 2003 5:04 pm Post subject:

Good luck. Don't smoke.

Josh R · Posted: Aug 25, 2003 11:06 pm Post subject:

Damn Joe, that truely does suck. I've seen how commited you are to your son, and I'm sure everyone will see that too.

Hope it all goes well bro.

And don't touch the cig's. They just f*ck you up more.

Leggester · Posted: Aug 26, 2003 5:28 am Post subject:

JT, I agree but I don't know the circumstances of any prior judgements.

Keep you chin up Joe. I know it's a trying time right now, but don't forget to look at the long run. What happens now may or may not effect what is in the next 5-15 years.

jumalian · Ladies Man Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 7625 City: san diego

Thanks for the support, everyone. It sounds strange since I've never met any of you, but your kind words really do help.

I filed for custody in '94. She was given custody in '95, but I was given visitation rights...every other weekend, every Wednesday, every other holiday and 6weeks, every summer. Since then, she's held a grudge against me. She's now saying that there's another order that was handed down in '98 that supersedes the '95 decision, which she says voids the father of ANY rights what-so-ever, whether it's visitation or otherwise. I couldn't believe this! Lord knows I would NEVER give up the rights to my son. I asked her to produce any documentation, but she said she had none.

If what she's saying is true, I have to fight to get my rights back, which is ridiculous because I never consented to giving them away in the first place. It's also ridiculous because I'm going to end up spending lots of money, which I don't much to begin with, on legal fees, that could be spent on other things, such as things my kid and I want and need.

It's going to be a rough road ahead, and people keep telling me, "karma will get her." We'll see.

Leggester · Posted: Aug 27, 2003 8:29 am Post subject:

No, you don't have to spend a lot of money. If what she says is true, the court will have the records. A small search fee ( usually around $25.00 ) will see if there are any such rulings.

Remember, the system works for all parties.

jt09 · Ladies Man Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 22083 City: Austin

jumalian, If there was an order, why don't you have a copy of it? Why doesn't she? Wouldn't she have held onto it if she was going to use it on you? What state was it filed in? What county? I call BS on her. She didn't sit on this for 5 years and all of a sudden "remember" the other order. Mysterious court judgements don't just "appear."

If she is denying you visitation, contact the court system. You need to go on the offensive here. I gained a TON of leverage by sueing my ex before she sued me. She would have had the State Attorney General office as her lawyer if she got to the courthouse first, so I had to beat her there. You do NOT want to be on the other side of the aisle from the state - man haters.

Do a web search for a father's rights group in your area. Not quite as good as a lawyer, but they have some good resources and can help out and cost a ton less - the one in Austin was like $100 to join. Sounds to me like you can do some research without a lawyer and get to the bottom of it. Every order ever filed is in some court building somewhere and is a public record.

It may cost a bunch of money, but it is worth it. I bitch all the time about the lawyer bill I am still paying off (and will be for along time) and the child support (enough for an '03 SAN and a slip) BUT it is worth it when your kid calls you at 11:00 at night (what the hell is she letting her stay up that late for anyway???) just to call you goofy names! Laughing

Keep you head up man. Rember who is in the right here - you are. It is much easier to stay calm and focused when you know who will win.

jumalian · Ladies Man Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 7625 City: san diego

Leggester, you're absolutely right...obtaining a copy of court documents isn't expensive at all. But, if what she said is true (she's capable of screwing me like that), then it's going to cost a lot, w/ legal fees and such. Either way, I'll get to the bottom of it, and hopefully, the outcome will favor me and my son.

jt09, I'm inclined to also call BS on her. Since I've moved here, whenever we would have a disagreement, she'd use the initial order from '95 as reference, as I would as well. All of a sudden, there's an order from '98? The '98 order is from Guam. The kicker is, her mom works(ed) for the Governor of Guam, so she has a lot of pull there. I wouldn't doubt one bit if she used that pull to write me out of my son's life, if what she said was true.

Yeah, I paid a ton of money for a lawyer, and paying enough in child support for an '03 SAN and a slip. You're right though, it's all worth it.

It's hard to keep my head up even though I feel I'm in the right. I'll tell you why. When I filed in '94, I was confident I was going to win. At the time, she hung out w/ gangbangers and drug users. I PROVED in court of drugs and alcohol abuse in his presence. But that wasn't enough.

So now, I'm really petrified. I know I'm right, but I'm thinking, "has the system changed enough that they will decide in my favor if this ever goes to court?"

Leggester · Posted: Aug 27, 2003 9:23 am Post subject:

Joe, I think JT has more experience here. I've never been involved with a divorce.

BUT, there's no reason for you to be petrified or scared. You should be petrified or scared when the baby is born. After that, it's just taking care of business as well as you can. You're only decision is if you want to see the child or not, and it looks like you've made that one. The rest is all just details. Keep a clear, calm head.

If indeed she had done that, you still would have received a notice of hearing and at least a copy of the documents.

Sounds fishy to me.

Keep calm, keep your goals clearly in mind.

jt09 · Ladies Man Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 22083 City: Austin

That is a tough pill to swallow (your first court experience) Joe. I can only say to keep giving it your best shot. I feel fo you man - at least my ex has been pretty damn good about stuff since the papers were all signed.