I'm married!!!

b_girl · Posted: Nov 30, 2010 11:31 am Post subject: I'm married!!!

I got married just over a month ago and I'm so happy! Things are great... I love my life and I love my new husband!

My family boycotted my wedding - which sucked, but it was a great day anyway... Their loss.

NKCrider · Posted: Nov 30, 2010 11:37 am Post subject:

Congratulations

Lop · Posted: Nov 30, 2010 11:38 am Post subject:

congrats, sorry your family doesn't understand though

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

CONGRATSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

arof · Posted: Nov 30, 2010 2:07 pm Post subject: Re: I'm married!!!

Okie Boarder · Ladies Man Joined: 03 Mar 2008 Posts: 10056 City: Edmond

Congrats!

DJew Jake · Posted: Nov 30, 2010 3:26 pm Post subject:

Really who did you marry?

goofyboy · Posted: Nov 30, 2010 4:16 pm Post subject:

Congrats!!

b_girl · Posted: Dec 01, 2010 6:15 am Post subject:

Thanks!!!

arof, yeah, still in Toronto.

DJew Jake, nobody you would know - someone I had gone to school with from grade 1 - OAC

DJew Jake · Posted: Dec 01, 2010 3:11 pm Post subject:

That is crazy, havent seen you in awhile, what are you doing now?

pyrocasto · Posted: Dec 01, 2010 7:50 pm Post subject:

Pics or it didnt happen!

Congrats, btw. Wink

prior40 · Addict Joined: 20 Feb 2004 Posts: 579 City: Palo Alto

Congrats! Being married is awesome!

b_girl · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 6:45 am Post subject:

DJew Jake, yeah it has been a long time! I'm still living in Toronto/North York, working in Markham (software developer)... that's about it really.

pyrocasto, I'll post pics once I get the photos back from my photographer - he sent me the CDs last week but one of them was blank so now I'm waiting for him to re-send it to me Sad

prior40, thanks! I'm really enjoying it so far Smile

I still can't get over the fact that my family didn't come - well, aside from one of my cousins who I'd only just recently reconnected with, but that was it... not even my mom came... how can a mother not go to her daughters wedding?? I don't think I could ever do that to my kid (if I had one)...

Faust · Wakeboarder.Commie Joined: 20 May 2005 Posts: 1496

So why didn't your family go to see you on the most important day of your life and the most blessed of all days. I have a sneaky suspicion you are dieing to tell us.

goofyboy · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 7:11 am Post subject:

i'm nosey... sup with the family?? is the dude an ex-con? or american? or Ont?

vette74 · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 7:30 am Post subject:

b_girl · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 9:04 am Post subject:

I'm not sure if I'm dying to talk about it, but wouldn't mind venting a little bit.

There's nothing wrong with him, he has no criminal record or anything like that.. He does have ADD though (but so does my brother) - so has trouble sitting still. but for whatever reason, my family has NEVER liked him. They all claim they've given him a chance but they really haven't. They used to complain about everything from the clothes he wears (just your typical jeans & tshirt/hoodie) to the words he uses, to how much he fidgets... the works. They went out of their way to make him feel unwelcome during family events, then they'd call me afterwards and list off everything they thought he did wrong.

His family is scottish so they're pretty big drinkers... my family comes from a background of not drinking at all (save for myself and my siblings). So they saw the fact that he would get drunk when we're out with friends as a sign that he was an alcoholic, but wouldn't classify me as the same thing despite the fact that I also get drunk occasionally.

Nobody protested when we got engaged and none of them seemed happy either.

Back in May we had a stag & doe (fundraiser) for our wedding... there was a physical confrontation between him & my dad (who has a bad temper) that ended with my dad needing stitches... So, my dad called the cops and had him arrested. I bailed him out 2 days later and now he's being charged. To make matters worse, my dad is being counter-charged for the exact same thing.

So, they then assumed that meant that he beats me on a regular basis and will also beat our future children. NOT TRUE. Then went out of their way to tell everyone just that - even went so far as to tell someone that he's being charged with "attempted manslaughter" (which doesn't even exist as how can you attempt to accidentally murder someone)

It was a constant stream of nasty emails and phone calls from my family, angry that I would even still talk to him after all this... when really they didn't realize the part they played in all this as well.

2 weeks before my wedding, they had an "intervention" for me, where they tricked me into coming over for lunch and ended up sitting me in a little room with all my close family members and went through all their concerns and they cried and even supplied me with a stack of photos to "remember them by" - because they were sure that he would control me so much after we got married because I would then be his "property". They all wrote me letters which I was supposed to read and write back to - but they have been filed away into the bottom of a drawer somewhere.

2 days before the wedding, the judge offered my dad a peace bond and he refused it. Now, with all the evidence against my dad they're actually forcing him into it and so his plan to "teach him a lesson" has failed and the charges against my dad still may go through.

the day of my wedding, my dad texted me to say that if there were any problems, they would only be 10 minutes away - they were all gathering at my sisters house to "pray for me" (which is odd seeing as my family isn't really religious).

It's so rediculous... it's my life, I can marry whoever I want... it's not like I'm a little girl anymore! (I'm 30) He doesn't beat me and has never actually even made any sort of threatening gesture towards me - it's frustrating that they won't listen to me.

*vent off*

Sorry, I just got going and couldn't stop writing, haha.

intotheflats · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 9:45 am Post subject:

b_girl, Good for you, glad to see you stick to your guns and not do what your "family" wants you to do. While family is very important, in teh end you have to be happy with the decisions that you have made. Not the decisions you were forced into. Hope everything works out

Hollywood · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 10:39 am Post subject:

Lop · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 10:47 am Post subject:

Hollywood, lol

Hollywood · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 10:48 am Post subject:

And that was in response to the thread title not the big long post you put up, I wanted to do that yesterday.

I'm not aware wb.com knows what you look like either, which is paramount to how I feel about your situation.

b_girl · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 10:57 am Post subject:

Hollywood, haha. Some people on here know what I look like! I still plan on posting photos once the photographer sends them to me... so you'll see then I guess.

intotheflats, thanks. I don't regret my decision at all and if my family wants to go on pretending like that day didn't happen then that's their problem... one day they'll regret not being there for me and they'll see just how much they've pushed me away!

intotheflats · Posted: Dec 02, 2010 11:16 am Post subject:

b_girl, One kind of key thing is that by getting married you have started a new family. It doesn't mean that your "old family" is any less important but for your new family to work it has to be the most important thing. And your "old family" has to realize that.

b_girl · Posted: Dec 03, 2010 10:30 am Post subject:

intotheflats, my old family likely won't realize that... but you're right... and my new family definitely is important to me now!!!

jason_ssr · Posted: Dec 03, 2010 11:22 am Post subject:

First off, congrats on the marriage! It is not an easy road. Remember, its not something that just works, its something you work at every day and MAKE it work.

Secondly, things will change between you and your parents as soon as you have a child. It wont be because they want to see their grandchild, it will be because the love you feel for your child will finally make you understand how your parents feel about you. Families DO NOT talk, plead, intervention, and write notes for no reason or in error. Parents do not boycot big days for simple disagreements. They only what what is best for you, including making your own decisions and mistakes. However, if something comes up that is so concerning that they behave in the above fashion, you would be wise to listen. No matter how much your new spouse loves you, your family loves you more. When marriage gets hard, it is your mother who will comfort and encourage you to make it work. When parenting your child becomes overwhelming, it is your mother who is going to help you along the way.

It would be in your best interest to repair that relationship as a couple and concede anything to make it work. If your husband loves you, he will do anything to facilitate that process for you, even if he has to wear a tie and jacket at every appearance and not drink another drop around them. Understand that their concerns are REAL and TRUTH. Youve made your decision, now its time to accept the fact that your parents were correct, and make proactive steps into ensuring them that you both desire a relationship with them and want to actively ease their concerns.

skurfer · Criminal Joined: 30 Oct 2008 Posts: 57 City: T-dot

Congrats B_girl!
Not sure if you will be up to the lake, since it sounds like the folks are making things difficult. Keep in touch, if you want to go ride! Very Happy

Bambamski · Posted: Dec 03, 2010 12:26 pm Post subject:

contrats

that's really sad you weren't able to spend that day with your family. It's their loss. Being a dad with older kids now, (one married) I can't imagine not supporting my kids. You don't always agree with their decisions but you always should love and support them even if you don't agree. All you ever want is the best for them.

ohsix · Posted: Dec 03, 2010 12:32 pm Post subject:

Congrats!

b_girl · Posted: Dec 03, 2010 12:34 pm Post subject:

jason_ssr, my husband has done everything he can to try to repair things with my parents. it's been a constant struggle for him because my family is very "prude-ish" and judgemental. Unfortunately now there is a restraining order so he can't even apologize for hurting my dad, but I don't think he should... my Dad can be a bit of an a$$ and has always been an angry man. Yes, my family was trying to look out for my best interest, but at some point they have to let a grown woman make her own decisions. They are more than entitled to their opinion, but in the end, it is and always will be my choice. They say he beats me - they don't suspect it, they say he actually does it... they say he controls and manipulates me... all of it is false. So, while I may have agreed with you before all this happened, about how you should always listen to what your family says, I now disagree.

Their concerns may be real, but there definitely is no truth behind them. My parents and the rest of my family are not correct - he doesn't beat me, he doesn't control or manipulate me.

I have been banned from my sisters house because her and her husband are scared of ME... they have installed alarm systems in their house because they're scared my husband is going to break in and beat them in their sleep... my cousins didn't come to my wedding because they were "scared for their lives" when my husband has been nothing but nice to them every time he's seen them.

skurfer, I'll only go up there if I know you'll be there to rescue me from my dock! Razz

I did go up there once with them since this all happened... so I could do it again.

ohsix · Posted: Dec 03, 2010 12:36 pm Post subject:

b_girl, any idea where all this unfounded fear of your husband being abusive comes from?

b_girl · Posted: Dec 03, 2010 12:39 pm Post subject:

ohsix, I agree (and congrats on making it 1 1/2 years)... both of us went into this marriage without debt... our wedding didn't put us in debt either, which is great... everything is "our money" and it's working amazingly well so far... he even helps with all the house work and the cooking Smile

our biggest arguments so far have been about him and his snoring (we're waiting to get him a CPAC machine because he's got sleep apnea)... but we've been living together for 2 years now so I don't imagine things will change much.

We've already been to see a therapist about the issues with my family - unfortunately my family refused to come with us because they don't think they need help... but whatever, at least him & i have done everything in our power to resolve the issues and things are turning out great so far.

b_girl · Posted: Dec 03, 2010 12:41 pm Post subject:

ohsix, because during their fight in may my dad ended up more injured than my husband (more visibly injured, my husband did end up with ligament problems in his hand though). it was my dad's first ever fight, everyone was drinking so there was alcohol involved as well... my brother never got into fights at school before either... so... my family assumes that because this fight happened, that he's a "violent monster" and should be "locked up forever" (yes, those were their exact words and yes, they want him in prison)

Wakebrad · Ladies Man Joined: 11 Dec 2003 Posts: 12257 City: Dallas

drama

Congrats on the wedding b_girl!

Faust · Wakeboarder.Commie Joined: 20 May 2005 Posts: 1496

b_girl, just a hunch but are you by any chance the youngest child?

As far as money goes, my gf and I are on 2 completely opposite sides of the spectrum... she spends it all as soon as she has it, I save everything up. And yes we used to fight about twice a week about it, but after a year of dating it is now only about once a month and we basically respect each other's ways. No way there will ever be an 'our' money between us though, lol.

b_girl · Posted: Dec 03, 2010 1:16 pm Post subject:

Faust, nope. I'm the oldest. My younger sister got married a year before I did so it's not my family's first wedding experience either... but her husband, as far as I can see, is quite controlling (like my Dad!) - she is essentially at his beck & call... which would drive me insane but she seems happy.

I do think money issues are a big concern for a lot of people. We have a plan in place and it works quite well for us... my husband used to be a big spender and I was a saver but we've figured out a way to reduce his spending and still keep him happy, and it's been working for well over a year now Smile