I'm going to be in a wedding where kilts are involved. Yay.

[McGoose]

Hi,

I come from the mists seeking advice and to tell a tale. Sorry in advance for this rant.

Up Front:
1. I typically enjoy weddings.
2. Some of the best nights of my life were weddings. Those were 2 of my closest friends' weddings, my brother's, and my own. My own was awesome.
3. I'm not a "weddings are so dumb" sort of guy. I was mildly involved with my own, in fact. I let my wife decide on the big stuff and I would say stuff like, "prime rib", or "rice" or "if the chicken dance gets played, Mister DJ is getting his CD turntable snapped in half". That sort of thing.

So when it comes to family controversy I am unlikely to be anything close to confrontational, and I opt to put my kids on my shoulders (or in the car), and just watch the parade of the insane and let people battle stuff out. The less involved I am with some members family, the less upset I get and can thus isolate my family from the horse s*it.

In this case I don't know what to do. I'm involved with this farce of a wedding. More so than I want to be.

Details:
My brother in law is marrying a girl he's been dating for just shy of 2 years, but knew her in high school SO OMG IT'S THE MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER. Oh oops though, I just remembered he was engaged to another girl about 3 years ago but that didn't end up happening. Such white trash bulls*it.

So, whether or not the wedding itself is a good idea is another question for another day. What I do know, and can't fathom, is why it's being made out to be all about him. The groom. The bride is not much of a talker, somewhere between demure and frighteningly shy. 95% of the decisions for this wedding have been made already, by him. The groom. He's like a roughneck guy, construction, home improvement. It's such a weird situation. Also at a lot of points he's been a crabapple about this stuff so - Groomzilla?

So he's Scottish. Part Scottish. Ok probably about as Scottish as I am Native American. Like, 'not enough to check off on the box on the form' sorta thing. Regardless he decided long ago that he wanted to be married in a kilt. Fine. If he wants to be married in a kilt, that's his call. If he wants to be married in a guerrilla suit - that too is fine. As family I'm there for him. But year by year he does so much bonehead sh*t to me, upsetting my wife, upsetting his parents; causing our friendship-ometer to read lower and lower all the time. He's done some stuff like ebaying or selling Christmas gifts - or even using pawn shops, playing the 'expert in every field, armchair quarterback' game, screwing people over, then trying to make up for it by huge gestures that are almost always financially supported by his parents. etc.

Anyway that one-man kilt thing has turned into him requiring that all of his groomsmen wear kilts. F*cking great. I care about as much about wearing a kilt for this thing as I do about wearing the guerrilla groomsman suit: none. Can I wear a f*cking tux? How about a suit? Golf shirt? Screw it I am staying in my hotel room.

Oh and it should also be stated right now that the service is a non-denominational one. Not themed toward her heritage or religious background, or his except for the kilts. No bagpipes, nothing. Shortbread? Maybe. Who cares. It's not a Scottish wedding.

So, I could probably handle the kilt alone. I'll nod to the cultural significance of that, alone. The kilt and a shirt and tie - even a sportcoat I normally wouldn't be caught dead in, I can handle for a wedding. It's an awesome event - an awesome day. I can take it.

But of course it can't just stop there with Mr. Groom Genius. He has done a lot of research and now also has decided that the groomsmen are wearing gull wing tuxedo shirts and bowties, with short-short-short $470/day rental jacket/kilt combos and, you're reading this right - has said that the respectful way to wear a kilt is without underwear. This guy is family and thus loved, but for God's sake man. So I can't wear a normal shirt and tie with this kilt. Actually I get to be fitted for, and buy, this Bubb Rubbing shirt and bowtie.

That was when I lost it. I actually laughed when he said that whole bit, hoping he was joking. Hoping he knew he was about to dress 5 increasingly upset bunch of guys in uncomfortable, expensive rental threads in June.I told my wife I was protesting. Which came out as me, knowing he was serious but for one last ditch effort, laughing... until I said... " <name omitted> are you... are you serious right now? This is all getting to be too much." I know your underwear preference for your groomsmen, but nothing else about the wedding. Is everything else getting the same level of attention? Is <name omitted> getting this kind of royal treatment with her dress and makeup rah-rah." What's <bride's name omitted> wearing at the dress rehearsal? What's the bride wearing at the wedding? Where is this happening? Is this all about your desire to wear a kilt and, little else? I didn't say all of this. Just the part in quotes.

So, this guy is already is going to shame us all into f*cking kilts, scratchy, startched gull wing tux shirts and kilts, in late June.

It's all a really big bad bummer. I don't want to go, I don't want to wear a kilt, or the whole getup, and I don't care about this wedding anymore - and I am a wedding guy. I've been to some bad weddings , but they all sound fine going up to the day. This sounds rotten and it's months away.

I know the answer, so there's no real question: Suck it up. Wear the kilt. Deal. But when someone is trying to shove their sense of humor down your throat I find it hard to get excited. Especially when it's not funny, not cheap, and a potpourri of poor decisions across the board.

[jt09]

[jt09]

all kidding/spelling naziism aside, i find it odd that you are a groomsman, given your attitude about the guy to begin w/. sounds like one of those lifetime deals, so i guess i get it, but that sucks for you.

at this point, i'd shift from "grumpily acceptant of cruel fate" to "i'm going to rOck this dork ass party like no other!" just revel in the cheesiness and party like you are a 19yr old virgin, just put down your 1st jagershots and are looking to audition for a porno. THROW DOWN! take pictures. ??? profit.

[STPHNSN23]

is he going to check to make sure you're not wearing any underpants?

[finkle]

McGoose, grow up. Have fun with it. If you don't care for the dude like you are saying, then don't be in the wedding. If you can't sack up, then don't bitch. While I was reading your post, I was like, "why not have fun with it and enjoy the night for what it is?"

You may think that your wedding was awesome but I GUARANTEE you there were people in your wedding that were like, "wtf, I have to wear this?" or "I can believe this is what they want."

It's not your wedding so deal with what THEY WANT in THEIR WEDDING.


I've kind of been in your shoes where I was forced to rent $150-200 tuxes that looked like shi+ compared to a $60 tux that made me look like James Bond. It's part of being a friend.

[Rhawn]

[McGoose]

I have come to terms with this, and other things he's done - as demonstrated by the desire to make a mockery of himself, his groomsmen and his father at his own wedding - by concluding that he actually has Asperger syndrome. I made this diagnosis about a year ago when he pawn-shopped an expensive gift I got him for Christmas (me and his sister do well financially, he does not.) He took an expensive piece of electronics I bought for him and pawned it for the money. I don't *think* it was for drugs but rather for random white trash sh*t. Cigarettes, gas money, scratch'ems, maybe even rent. Who knows. I'll tell ya I almost cried.

Anyway I think something is being missed here. Yes I re-read my original post and it was typed as if it was authored on a PDA. Because it was. Plenty of errors. I will fix them. (EDIT: fixed as many as I could find.)

More information: I am not particularly close with this brother in law. As a matter of fact, as time has passed, I've learned of things he's done in the past and have distanced myself greatly from him. I'm polite and cordial with this guy buy I adore the rest of his family. As such I'm in the wedding. This big, stupid farce of a wedding.

[ky1e]

Wearing a kilt is in no way a big deal. Just wear it and have fun. I think it would be pretty damn cool infact to have to wear a kilt as a groomsmen and I bet if you take it seriously and act comfortable as the life of the party, chicks will be drawn to you like a magnet. "look how hot ______ looks, it takes a real man to wear a dress, I bet he isn't even wearing underwear". This is how girls will probably feel if you wear it well and are the life of the party.

As for pawning your gifts, maybe he had the electronics that you got him or maybe he just didn't have anywhere for it. If he needs the cash, he needs the cash. It's his gift and can choose what to do with it.

[Aubs]

Applause to you if you wear it.

Have some funny St. Patrick's Day pictures of guys in kilts. My drunken friend wanted to see if they wore anything underneath - she showed the entire bar their hairy butts. Quite an evening.