What would you do? Life decision

vette74 · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 7:01 am Post subject: What would you do? Life decision

I have a friend of mine who has cancer and has been fighting it for about 1.5 years the doctors have the cancer stabilized but he will always be on chemo. However, the doctor has not given any type of dates and told him to live life as normal as possible. The question is that they want to have kids and they are wondering if they should bring a child into this world when the dad has more of a posiblility of dieing than the rest of us. What you do if you were is his situation?

finkle · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 22 Sep 2003 Posts: 4067

first

Go for it. They aren't sure what is going to happen. You only get one shot, do everything you can. If he passes in 2, 5, or 10 years don't you think that child would be grateful for the decision 20 years later that they made now?

Hollywood · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 7:05 am Post subject:

If the wife is willing to raise children w/o him then go ahead and have kids. I think it is pretty much up to her. My girlfirend has friends that were in that same scenario, they have 2 young children and he's still fighting the cancer.

Commodore · Ladies Man Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11636

I would. I know Britt and I want to have kids. And that if for some reason I am to pass, having those children would be a way for her to have me there all the time. We would be able to carry on our family. And she would be able to enjoy that part of her life, a family from me and her.

And if the tables were turned, and she was to pass, those kids would be the only thing that would keep me going.

Wakebrad · Ladies Man Joined: 11 Dec 2003 Posts: 12257 City: Dallas

In general I don't think it's a good idea. I think having 2 parents is very important and this is putting them at a disadvantage. But it should be almost totally up to the wife. She is the one that is going to have to bear that load.

Commodore · Ladies Man Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11636

Wakebrad, while I would normally agree. My fiancee was raised by her mother only. Never knew her father. And she has grown up to be an amazing woman. So while it would seem that, it depends on the character of the person. Mainly, the mother.

ontrider · Ladies Man Joined: 30 Jul 2003 Posts: 16491 City: Russia

haugy, maybe your father in law will turn up one day and be Robert Deniro!!! Shocked

pet575 · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 7:49 am Post subject:

I think you have to take family support into account as well. Raising a child is difficult enough with 2 parents. If one died, you need some support from your parents, brothers, sisters, etc. to help you out with raising the child. If you had that, I don't see anything wrong with it.

If you're going to go it alone once the other parent is gone, though, that is pretty daunting.

Wakebrad · Ladies Man Joined: 11 Dec 2003 Posts: 12257 City: Dallas

haugy, definitely true. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. There are a LOT of single parents out there who do a great job. It's just an inherent disadvantage that I wouldn't be trying for. If she is nearing the end of her child-bearing years and definitely wants kids then this might make the most sense. If she is still young she could have kids with her next husband, as difficult as that is to think about right now..

brew · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 8:34 am Post subject:

My gut reactions says I'm with wakebrad on this one, but for different reasons. If she got pregnant and he passed away while she was pregnant or while the child was still young, it seems like it would make it even harder on the wife and the child. Especially if she had to give birth alone or if she is dealing with a three year old asking where "Daddy" is every night.

People deal with those situations every day, but I don't know if I would want to go into it knowing that there was a greater chance than normal of that situation coming to pass.

goofyboy · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 8:57 am Post subject:

if the docs say to live, then live. How awful would it be for him to live 30 years and never have had a kid? They should take the risk. Even if he gets to raise the kid for 5 years, at least a little part of him lives on.

E.J. · Ladies Man Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 7597 City: Mogadishu

Aubs · Motorboat Queen Joined: 12 Jan 2003 Posts: 9167

I think it also depends on if you have additional family around her to help raise the kids.

But I agree with almost everyone else - go for it

Neognosis · Ladies Man Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 17617 City: Webster

wouldn't want to miss out on it.

boardordie · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 10:25 am Post subject:

Not to get all scientific and stuff, but did they freeze some of the patients little guys before getting all the cancer treatments? Most male cancer patients are never able to produce a high enough sperm count to get a women pregnant.

Just wondering if we're talking/arguing about a mute point?

ChrisG · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 10:40 am Post subject:

I know it's a cliche, but life is too short (maybe more so in this case). Go for it and have kids. It might be the best thing for them during this difficult time. You never know, having kids may cure him of the disease....I know, stranger things have happened.

Wakebrad · Ladies Man Joined: 11 Dec 2003 Posts: 12257 City: Dallas

boardordie, I was going to ask the same thing. And it's "moot" point.

boardordie · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 11:07 am Post subject:

Wakebrad, "moot"... homer simpson voice "Doouuuuhhh"... looking around for forehead slapping emoticon... no luck... have to settle for... Embarassed

Tbonez · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 11:14 am Post subject:

I wouldnt do it...Look at the long run...This person is either going to have to raise a kid on their own (not ideal) or they are going to get married again and then some other person is going to be their father (will never be treated like their own kid). The kid doesnt benefit either way and in the end you are talking about a long life for a kid that will probably never get to know their parent....In essence why would you choose to bring a kid into this world that is always going to have a void in their life?

savage3221 · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 11:18 am Post subject:

I also am on the "go for it" wagon. Most of what I had to say without getting into paragraphs has already been mentioned above, and I think they are all the right reasons (as long as both of them feel the same that is)

Medina · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 11:20 am Post subject:

I say, do it! Anything can happen, with or witouth cancer, you can get drive over by a bus or something other crazy things can happen, i mean, life is uncertain, and cancer is surely not always the end!

goofyboy · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 11:20 am Post subject:

tbonez - you are assuming he is going to die soon. All parents die at some point. If he makes it 18 years, or even 10 years, i don't see that as a kid not knowing their parent. if anything, they will have very fond memories of them.

ctgretzky99 · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 11:43 am Post subject:

Absolutely go for it, if the wife is willing to take on the challenge of raising a child (or children?) on her own, which is very much possible these days.

My mom raised my bro and I when my dad was killed, and she was a strong woman for doing so. I was 7, my bro was 5, and frankly, we were rotten frikkin, typical boys. But she did it, and we are both upstanding, well adjusted people today Crazy Eyes

In all seriousness, cancer is not always a deathmarch. With proper nutrition, medications and treatments, it isnt like even just 10 years ago. Survival rates climb a bit higher every year, and those who only had a year to live a decade ago are equal to the same people now who would have 5+ to live, or more.

Life is short any way you slice it. Im 40 now. I remember throwing up in the common room on a girl from WAY too much Jaeger and bong hitting like it was yesterday. If the next few years (or more-who knows?) of this man's life are dedicated to his child, and it will bring him happiness before he departs, I say yes. Do it.

As well, life is so uncertain. Look, my dad didnt have cancer. One day he went off to work, and he never came home. I didnt even get to say goodbye. You cant count on the ones you love to be there the next day. Ever.

Again, the WIFE, is the key here. What does she say?

vette74 · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 5:39 pm Post subject:

She wants to have kids and she is 34ish so her clock is ticking. We all say to go for it but as a lot of people posted above it is mostly her decision. He did freeze some donations so it is all good in that part.

vette74 · Posted: Mar 31, 2009 5:41 pm Post subject:

This whole thing really makes you think about how precious life is and how we can all take our health for granted. Sometimes you have to slow down a bit and enjoy the scenery.

Dragonlady8 · Black Widow Joined: 27 Aug 2004 Posts: 9198

Check to make sure the chemo isn't teratogenic. That's step #1. Step # 2 is get a second opinion if he hasn't had one before.