The 11 Most Uncomfortable Times To Have To Poop

Dpierce37 · Ladies Man Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 7659 City: Austin

1) At Your In-Laws’/Girlfriend’s Parents’ House. These people think you suck as it is, nothing quite like endearing yourself a little further by destroying their powder room with a stuff of epic proportions.

2) While Getting a Massage. As if it’s not bad enough sidestepping the erection land mine, having to explain to the nice lady (yes, always a lady) who doesn’t speak much English — but is willing to touch your hairy back — that you’ve got a case of crippling diarrhea is all kinds of uncomfortable.

3) On a Charter Bus to a Date Function. We ran across this more in college. The combination of assorted booze, chicks you want to impress, a thinly veiled bathroom, and your buddies’ willingness to hurl you under the bus makes this an experience you’ll want to forget.

4) During a Job Interview. It’s surprisingly difficult to answer questions about where you see yourself in five years when a turtle is trying to poke his head out. Just one of the many reasons it took Booth so long to find gainful employment.

5) When Passed Out Drunk on a Friend’s Couch. You wake up, it’s dark. You don’t know where you are or how you got there or where the Bubb Rubb they hide the toilet. The only thing you know for sure is you’re about to crap yourself. And then you do, in fact, crap yourself.

6) On the Subway. In a metal tube under the earth surrounded by a bunch of people who probably don’t have qualms with pooping on a train is pretty GD uncomfortable. Is it hot in here to anyone else? Is the ride always this bumpy? Is there a Gap at this next stop?

7) While at Third Base. And we’re not talking baseball. On the other hand, this is a tremendous way to end a relationship.

8 ) On a Road Trip. Not only are you the door knob causing frequent stops, you’re also the door knob who gets to explore the darkest regions of truck-stop restrooms. At the end of this experience you’re begging for someone to use one of those Men in Black mind erasers on you.

9) When You’re a Groomsman. Standing, lots of standing. In front of lots of people. In a monkey suit. Why is it so Bubb Rubbing bright in here? How long is it going to take those bitches to walk down the aisle? Will anyone notice if I lose the cummerbund?

10) On a First Date. You can usually get away with one poop on a first date, but if it becomes a recurring theme there only so many cell phone calls you can fake having to take before things get weird.

11) When Two Other Guys Are Already Taking Shits. There may not be a worse feeling this side of prison rape than rushing into your office’s three stall bathroom and finding the two outer toilets already occupied by fat dudes taking dumps as equally ferocious as the one your about to take.

Soo...what can my fellow wb.com'ers add to the list????

htownbdr · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 9:18 am Post subject:

On a plane.

In the middle of a hunting blind.

50 miles offshore.

htownbdr · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 9:19 am Post subject:

Golf course isn't fun either.

8824 · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 9:22 am Post subject:

htownbdr, hunting blind, duck hunting with waders.

At the mall.

At a restaurant during dinner, bar, and the worst is at a CONCERT.

Dpierce37 · Ladies Man Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 7659 City: Austin

my worst (happened this morning) is stuck in traffic. Makes it sooo much worse. Puppy Eyes

finkle · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 22 Sep 2003 Posts: 4067

8824, definitely! I had that happen a few times to me this year. Duck blind, goose blind, with waders on. 20 ft up in a tree stand isn't much better either.

8824 · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 9:33 am Post subject:

finkle, I will take the tree stand any day. Drop the pants and drop a load.

A duck blind, early morning, coffee, waders, surrounded by water. No thanks!

Hollywood · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 9:38 am Post subject:

Tbonez · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 9:38 am Post subject:

in a club

My buddies used to be big into ectasy. Im assuming it was cut with something because they would immediatly have to drop a duece. I remember one time my buddy dropped a duce at the club. He destroyed the place..When he came out the bathroom attendant said...You cant take a sh*t at the club..Yousa nasty mfer..Everyone in line about lost it.

Commodore · Ladies Man Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11636

In a drysuit doing search and recovery 100ft under water.

Imagine Scuba Steve flying out the water and running into the woods with all dive gear on. Laughing

STPHNSN23 · Guest

in the shower.

8824 · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 9:45 am Post subject:

Dpierce37 · Ladies Man Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 7659 City: Austin

Tbonez, I run across the street to one of the hotels when the urge hits while I am downtown. Always a peaceful time. I love 4 and 5 star hotel bathrooms!!!

Lop

Commodore · Ladies Man Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11636

8824, I wouldn't say it did, but the cold, the pressure on my body, and that feeling of utter confinement in that suit sure as hell didn't help. I was afraid I was gonna poop out diamonds I was squeezing so tight. Laughing

Dpierce37, ABSO-FRIGGIN-LUTELY!!!!! I love poopin in a nice hotel. There are a few hidden ones in downtown Nashville that I'll invade if we are out on the town, and a grunter comes a calling.

intotheflats · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 9:53 am Post subject:

nmballa · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 9:56 am Post subject:

When ever I take no explode in just makes me have to stuff like nothing else. I suck it down on the drive to the gym and hope to hell I don't hit a delay. Park and run to the crapper.

ontrider · Ladies Man Joined: 30 Jul 2003 Posts: 16491 City: Russia

Rhawn · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 10:40 am Post subject:

On the boat is pretty bad. HAI GUYS CAN YOU DRAG ME FOR A MINUTE?

ontrider · Ladies Man Joined: 30 Jul 2003 Posts: 16491 City: Russia

Your boat doesn't have a cooler?

8824 · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 10:55 am Post subject:

Craig-R · Wakeboarder.Commie Joined: 19 Dec 2008 Posts: 1676

finkle · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 22 Sep 2003 Posts: 4067

USMGolfer · Addict Joined: 13 Dec 2005 Posts: 628 City: Hixson

While at workouts is never a good thing. We always start w/ 20 minutes of running Puppy Eyes

In an airplane and right when you are about to get up, the pilot turns on the fasten seat belt sign...

Dpierce37 · Ladies Man Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 7659 City: Austin

I dove off the side of a boat pulling a rider at 21'ish mph in order to lay catfish food by some poor suckers dock. It was one of those moment's were you only have seconds to decide....spread chocolate icing all over my friends new boat....or dive in and hope for the best. There was no time for me to wait on the rider to finish his run, he was good and rides forever....

the only bad thing about laying fish food under water....stuff floats, then when you try to walk away from it, it get's caught in the draft behind you....not fun!!!! HAHHA Laughing

STANG KILLA SS · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 11:31 am Post subject:

is it me, or is wb.com really like to talk about dumps? Shocked

intotheflats · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 11:34 am Post subject:

Pooping when your REALLY drunk has to be the worst

My worst was a night that I had injested entirely too much alcohol and for whatever reason thought it wise to smoke(very bad decision). I was fine until I sat down and tried to focus on the TV at which point I knew I was in trouble. I made my way to the bathroom to throw up. But before I got to the toilet I felt what seemed like 2 midgets boxing in my stomach and I knew that whatever was in my stomach was on it's way down, not up.

So I took a seat and there was an immediate explosion. At that point, of course I had to puke so I grabbed the garbage can and preceeded to vomit. It was very similar to having the flu only I was so drunk it literally took all of my concentration not to fall off the toilet. And, my concentration was not enough...I fell. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was your typical poop but of course it was one of those messy beer poops, ya know, the ones that are more liquid than solid. So there I lay pants around my ankles with crap sprayed all over my ass and my breath reaking of vomit.

I wasn't quit passed out as I was aware of what was happening around me but I was however unable to move. It was at that point I knew I would be needing some assistance. So I yelled for my GF who must have already known I would be needing help as she was outside the door (possibly laughing her butt off for all I know). But she did what needed to be done and cleaned me up and helped me crawl into bed. Now if that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Lop · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 11:43 am Post subject:

I carry paper with me on the boat. I just go on shore

JeffR · Addict Joined: 07 Apr 2006 Posts: 608 City: Victoria, BC

ky1e · Wakeboarder.com Freak Joined: 31 Mar 2008 Posts: 2693

OWC during a hot summer day, when the bathroom is all wet from all the riders and they get all steamy. I hate having to poop at odub. Rixen is pretty bad too

pet575 · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 12:10 pm Post subject:

NFL football game is the worst. Full stadium, long lines-especially for the stalls. The toilet is always stopped up and full of everyone else's ass who was there before you... Surprised

Dpierce37 · Ladies Man Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 7659 City: Austin

Lop · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 12:35 pm Post subject:

Dpierce37, Is that the one JT lost his virginity in?

I on the way home from a Cards game and had to piss so bad. I pulled into a gas station in a not so great neighborhood. I opened the bathroom door and it looked like a shitgrenade had just gone off. It stank to high hell but I had to go, so I held the door open with my foot and pissed straight on the floor. Zipped up and turned around and no sooner than I did a cop walks out of the store... Thank god he didn't see me.

Hollywood · Posted: Jan 08, 2009 12:38 pm Post subject:

You shouldn't need a bathroom to pee, Sally!

ontrider · Ladies Man Joined: 30 Jul 2003 Posts: 16491 City: Russia

damn stadium bathrooms. I was at a Leaf game and running to the bathroom, their was already piss all over the seat, but luckily I didn't have to sit.. only puke. Anyway, I puked all over the damn seat and I guess the period had just ended, cause when I walked out a line had started. I can just imagine the guys face who walked into the stall which probably resembled the photo above. Laughing